Black Belt excellence

So it turns out I'm a good employee. Ha ha. No really I am. One of my jobs is doing grunt work at a horse stable. Not most peoples dream job, but I love horses and grew up on ranches so the smell of manure doesn't bother me and the horses don't say much most of the time. I find great satisfaction in feeding and watering animals, of any kind. Providing a living thing with the necessity of life aren't always exciting, but always rewarding. I have always put a lot of stock in doing a good job, whatever the job is. With my acts of kindness requirement, I have being going out of my way to make sure that I can help out wherever it's needed or to do the extra jobs that will save other people time or effort when I have the opportunity. I was going to quit my job at the barn for the summer since I don't have childcare and I don't make enough money for it to be worth getting it. When I talked to my boss about it today she told me that they don't want to lose me and that I can pretty much just come whenever I want. She told me that I always do a really good job, and that it's hard to find people that do. She even offered to watch my kids while I work. She mentioned some of the things that I do around the place that no one else does, and it felt great. She isn't one to give compliments and the like, and honestly I didn't think she noticed. This week my daughter tested for her yellow belt and we printed off the form her teacher has to sign, on it it says:" Our school teaches the principles of black belt excellence. Not only do students become Black Belts in kung fu, but they also strive to become academic Black Belts and eventually, corporate Black Belts or Black Belt employees. At Silent River kung fu, Black Belt is a metaphor for personal excellence." When I read that it made me think about how much I want to be a black belt in every aspect of my life, even when I'm mucking out stalls.

Wake me up when it's over

So June has started out pretty much exactly the opposite of how I envisioned it. I don't like playing catch up on my requirements so I told myself I'd be starting out June with a bang. Turns out it was more like tthhhbbbb..... Whatever I thought I had fixed with my health is back. I went and saw a naturopath doctor this week, she was helpful, but of course we still don't know what the actual problem is, so how to treat it is still a mystery. I am having some tests done this week, I don't know whats worse, finding something or not finding something. I am having a really hard time dealing with the frustration of not being able to do the things I normally do. Not only on the physical side, but I have classically been the one to friends and family that can always help out or do a favor, pretty much anything. My brand new nephew was diagnosed with something called congenital adrenal hyperlasia this week. Long story short, his adrenal glands don't work. My sister in law stayed at the Stollery with him and my brother went in between home and the hospital with their 18 month old. I would usually be the one to jump up and take my niece and bring dinners, whatever. But I couldn't do anything to help. I feel so impotent! There are so many people with serious, chronic health issues that do amazing things and overcome huge obstacles, I wonder how they find the strength to do it. I have missed another week of class, and I will miss some next week too, because of the tests I'm getting done. I REALLY hate missing class. I struggle with negative thoughts and feeling sorry for myself, which I don't like to admit, but it's true. I never know day to day how I am going to feel so my plan is to pack in as much training as I can when I feel good. I feel like this is like empathy training a bit, you just don't appreciate good health until it's gone. There is a lot of great support around me at Silent River and at home, so this week my goal is to dig deep, find my inner strength and stay positive and connected.

Healing

Master McNeill was here at Silent River this weekend. It was a really great experience. I could only make it to the healing seminar and it was so good it made me wish I was going to the others too. There was a lot of great information and he gave me some ideas to check out with my ongoing stomach issues. Afterwards he talked to the UBBT members and it was the first time I have been together with all the other student members. I am not a black belt and during the black belt class is when most of the talks happen, makes sense, since 18 of the student members out of 20 are black belts. I am kept in the loop with emails and whatnot, but it was really cool to be and actual physical part of that group. I really feel like I am part of something special. It was one of those moments that you know without a doubt that this is changing your life, right now.

Since I was sick for over a week this month,most of my goals this month have fallen behind. There are certain requirement that I won't be able to catch up on, but I am going to try to finish strong with pushups, situps and forms. I got my brown belt this week and I am super excited that I get to learn new forms sometime in the near future. I like the challenge of learning a new form and making it look good.

It's good to be back

So all is well once again! I am super excited about feeling pretty much 100% again. After being out of classes for a week I was going through some serious kung fu withdrawal. The first class I was back when we bowed in, I actually got a bit of an adrenaline rush. Makes me realize how much kung fu really means to me. A few times some of the kids from the classes I am usually in came up to me on the sidelines and asked if I was coming into class today, it was really nice, I guess sometimes you don't really know if you make much of a difference being in there so that was really cool.
The annual kwoon clean up was this weekend, and I've never been around to help before, it was a lot of fun actually. It's nice to be a part of the reason things look good around the school. My kids had tons of fun too, more from playing in the mud puddles from washing the siding than anything. I am so glad they are a part of such a great group of people with countless amazing role models for them.
On a completely different topic, the weather is finally nice enough to ride my motorcycle and it's been such a blast. I think the reason I enjoy it so much is that when I have my helmet on and my hair is flying around in the wind, I'm kind of anonymous. I'm not thinking of a million and one things, I'm not being a mom or a wife or anything, I'm just me and I'm the only one who knows who I am. Sometimes after a crazy day, going for a ride is just what I need to clear my head, it's kind of like meditating. I think we all need something like that once in awhile.
Its good to be back!

I feel thwarted

This week has been extremely tough for me. I am having some health issues that I am having trouble getting diagnosed, let alone treated. I haven't gone to class once this week. I've lost eight pounds because I'm having trouble eating anything. It is so frustrating it brings me to tears. I have gained a new respect for people who live with chronic illnesses. It's a long weekend so all the ultrasound etc is closed so I am waiting for Tuesday, not very patiently though.
This is the first time I've felt like I'm really falling behind with my requirements. I don't know when I will be able to train, when will I feel better? I keep asking myself this over and over.
Trying to keep a positive mindset is a lot harder than it sounds. Often I can kind of mind over matter myself and keep going, but it's not working out so well this time. This week has been a real challenge, and I am going to try to keep thinking positively and taking care of myself.

And the pot just boiled over

So this past week bordered on hysterically busy for me. I started my second job so I'm now working full time. I know, big deal... everyone does it. I've found this really cuts into my "mom stuff" time. For example, we have no groceries in the house and it looks like a bomb went off in here. My husband and kids are pretty helpful, but they are busy people too. I have to really get a hold on my organization and well, be more organized.

Both of my jobs are physically demanding and there are days that I can barely keep my eyes open past nine thirty. This has thrown a wrench in my UBBT requirements, I often catch up at night if I haven't done enough during the day. So upward and onward.... finding new, better more efficient ways of obtaining my goals.

Tiger Challenge

Yesterday was the annual in house tournament and it was a great experience. As always my favorite part was watching all the black belts perform, it's always the highlight of the day to see what I am working towards becoming. There are so many great kids in the club too, and I love seeing them out there giving it their best. I was most impressed with Mr. Csillig, who was unsure of when to start because the judges weren't quite ready for him and he got a little flustered, his dad was on the side lines and he got him to go back in the ring and do his form. He took some deep breaths and did it. Most kids don't come back once the tears start and I thought it was pretty gutsy... something to learn from a 5 year old.
I was a lot more relaxed this year, especially while doing my forms. I sparred before forms this year, which might have done it. It was nice to spar with people I've never fought, I feel like I got a lot out of the tournament. Being in that heightened anxiety situation is not something you can just get any day of the week, and I think it's a great training tool. It was nice to see new faces there this year, and hopefully next year there will be even more.