here tiger, tiger, tiger

The in house tournament is fast approaching. I feel very unprepared. I am doing all I can to be prepared, practice practice practice. I feel that the bar is so much higher this year now that I'm among the black belts. So intimidating! I was surprised to hear how many black belts and other students aren't competing after asking around this week. Something else I've learned by asking around is that most people that are competing really don't like competing, myself included. I hate being in front of people performing or talking...especially when you are being judged based on that performance. So why do we have a tournament every year if no one wants to compete in it? My thoughts on this are that this is a priceless opportunity. You are cheating yourself of a valuable training exercise by not entering. It's extremely hard to replicate a stress response in yourself while just practicing in class or during open training, the tournament gives this to you. I remember the first tournament I sparred in, I was a green belt I think...it was continuous sparring and we were about 30 seconds or so in and I thought I was going to pass out. My mind was racing and I thought oh my god I can't breath! I then realized I had been holding my breath for the entire match so far. What a relief to let that breath out! When placed in a stressful situation I hadn't had the presence of mind to breath...thought that one was automatic! How will you ever use anything you have learned and practiced at kung fu if you can't even remember how to breath when you are in a situation that you need to use it? Don't miss the opportunity to use this powerful training tool, you won't regret it. The practice you put into preparing is never wasted time no matter if you place or not in competition, plus you can say you had the courage to put yourself out there. You're training to be a martial artist- get out there!

Ethics

     I am reading a book for school right now called "Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat"by Hal Herzog. It's great so far, it's much more interesting than my pharmacology text book and it's an area of interest for me. It brings up a lot of questions about the human animal relationship and why do we have the ideas we do about certain animals. Something I have realized more and more as I continue my education and get more real life experience working is that although it was a love and interest of animals that drew me to this field I often do things that many would see as cruel, and there are times that I don't even want to do what has to be done. It brings up a lot of questions for me. I wrote my dad after a really tough day last week and this was part of his response.
      " I thought of you having to deal with the death of the animals. A real paradox for someone who is learning to help them and repair their bodies. It seems of real significance to me though as I spend some time thinking on it. I think of dogs or animals that I have had to shoot or deal with because of the realization or understanding that it has to be done. The taking of so many lives of animals has not made me more hardened to life but rather to appreciate it more and even love animals more if that makes any sense ? It is a profound moment in our lives when we take the life of anything really. That's the way I see it. I guess I see this as an important step in your journey to handling the life and death of the animals you will come into contact with. Of course this is only based on my little life's experiences but I thought I would share it with you anyway ! I hope you can see a moment of profound discovery in your experience with this. With the gap or "hole" left in your thoughts of this experience comes a spot for great growth or wisdom if you let it in and don't allow just the negative feelings to dominate."
     So why am I posting about this on my kung fu blog? What does this have to do with anything? It just reminded me that a struggle with anything- ethics, your belief system, a thrust kick, an injury that keeps you from training, whatever, is a chance to grow and change for the better. What would your life be, or your training be if it was a wide flat path with no obstructions or detours along the way? Adversity makes us stronger, pushing ourselves to do the seemingly impossible doesn't just make us physically stronger it changes something in your mind too.

Snake Team

 I will be part of the I Ho Chaun team this coming year, the Year of the Snake. I am excited and nervous after yesterdays meeting. I know what the level of commitment needs to be and life is hectic as it is right now. That being said I looked back on the year that I was preparing to grade for black belt, the test itself and then the preparation for the banquet. My school schedule was much more demanding at that time, I was at the kwoon almost as long as it was open every day and Sundays. I don't know how I did it, but I did. I made it through 3 years of UBBT previously. So yes, I can do this. I am looking forward to coming up with requirements, I feel like I have more freedom now to really tailor this for myself and all my wonderful injuries.

In the last 3 years of my life I have had more personal growth than any other time in my life. I can attribute this in large part to being a part of the UBBT teams. I have accomplished so many things I thought I couldn't do and learned a lot about who I am through some spectacular failures as well. I finally got the courage to go back to school and its been one of the best decisions I've made for myself. I worked this summer in a vet clinic and I loved it. It cemented the fact that this is what I want to be doing and it's wonderful to feel passionate about my career.

Now I want to take my kung fu career in the same direction. I admit when I started working after school and since starting school again my training has dropped off. I always said I wouldn't let that happen but here it is, so now I'm going to fix it. So excited to be part of the team!

Our little rescue dog is doing great. He has adapted wonderfully to being a tripod. There have been some rough times when he falls, and he got home and was like Bambi on ice with our laminate flooring. The runways of area rugs around the house were not ideal to say the least, Adrien is in the process of tiling the main floor so he can walk around the house. The dog clearly has us all wrapped around his fuzzy little paw. Till next week everyone.

Little Helios

This summer a stray dog was brought into the vet clinic that I work at. A client of the clinic had witnessed the dog being hit by a truck and brought him in. One of his back legs was fractured in two places. One front leg was swollen and painful- plus assorted scrapes and road rash. We all fell in love with this sweet natured little dog who wagged his tail whenever we walked by even though he was in pain. Policy is to hold strays for 72 hours before euthanizing in case they have an owner who is looking for them. The lady who brought little stray in (as I had started to call him) was trying to raise money to send him to a specialist to have his leg fixed. The $3500-$4000 surgery was too much though. 

So here he sits in our clinic with all his broken bits and pieces. The owner of the clinic decided to do what she could for him instead of putting him down in the hopes he could be fixed up and adopted out. It had been a week since he came in. He underwent a 5 hour surgery and had cerclage wire and an IM pin put into his femur to try to let the bone heal. He did poorly under anesthetic and stopped breathing several times, but he made it through the surgery.

We all cheered the first day that he put weight on the leg and took some tentative steps around the enclosure. So he continued to stay with us at the clinic doing physio therapy and going for short walks. I started to have a hard time thinking of him going home with anyone but me. After some long talks Adrien and I decided that he was the dog for us. He would always have a funny leg and a limp but we were fine with it. He had the pin taken out of his leg just over a week ago. When we x-rayed him this week to see how the leg was progressing I was devastated. His femur had collapsed into itself. His leg looked like a broken bag of potato chips, it was hopelessly broken again. He needs to have his leg amputated. Adrien and I had another talk with lots of looking online to find out more. We both knew he was still our dog and gave the go ahead for surgery.

Adrien has chosen the name Helios for him- Helios Gracie is one of the founders of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. He was small in stature and found that many moves required brute strength and so developed a system of techniques that allowed a smaller and weaker opponent to defend themselves against someone larger and stronger. 

His surgery will be next week while I am away. We are worried that he won't do well under anesthetic again., and the vet thinks it's better if I'm not a part of his surgery. I know he is a little fighter and 3 legs won't keep him down- but I don't think it could hurt to have our kung fu family sending some of your fighting spirit thoughts his way next week. 

Some "you" time

I finally went and saw a podiatrist and had an official diagnosis of plantar fasciitis. I had my feet cast for some very expensive orthotic inserts and all this only took me about 3 years or so to do. Now that I've gone and done all this I am really kicking myself for not doing it sooner. It actually took less than an hour-I'm sure I could have fit that in somewhere, I mean I'm busy but not that busy. 

I think as I am getting older and some of the nagging pains I've ignored for such a long time seem to have progressed into full blown chronic problems I wonder why I didn't make time for myself somewhere along the line. As a colored belt and into Sihing and then the year into grading I always pushed myself hard, and honestly really didn't train smart either. Some of my problems are not the result of kung fu but are aggravated by training. While it is important to push yourself to progress it's also important to make sure your going to be able to train in a few years as well. I think it would be safe to say that more than half of the students actively training in kung fu- if not more- are dealing with ongoing injuries or pain. So what's that old saying? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure...How true it is. Take care of yourself, learn to listen and recognize when something is out whack with your body or your health. Fuel your body with good food. Stretch, don't be afraid to take it easy for 1 or 2 classes if you've got something going on, trust me it will be worth it! 

ok, it's been a long time...again.

As a children's instructor there are days that I wonder why I am a children's instructor. Those are the days that I can't seem to get through to any of the kids or connect personally in any way, I'll struggle to keep the attention of the class- even a small group. I want to convey my love of kung fu to them- I want them to love it too. I want them to try hard and have goals that they work to succeed and feel the success of achieving a goal, and also to understand that failure doesn't mean you stop trying, it just means the eventual success is even sweeter. I want them to know that the best things in life are often the ones that are the hardest to get. But then I have days I can hardly keep all eyes up front, or so it seems. Of course there are the "on" days that I leave feeling like a million bucks because I saw the fire in someones eyes, or the class was engaged and attentive the whole time- lets face it that's practically a miracle in a class of close to 30 kids from 8-12 or so.
Yesterday in class I felt like it was one of the days that I was off. The kids all had pent up energy and it seemed to me that they were having a hard time focusing. Sifu Vantuil had them pair up and work on a form to perform by the end of the class. I was really surprised when we watched them perform. They were good, really, really good. I couldn't help smile. Even though there are off days these guys are getting really great and I forget to keep that in perspective sometimes. I am proud of each one of them. Being a kids instructor has challenges but it's so rewarding.
Here is a joke that the smallest Rice told me during class on Monday. She pulls her little orange belt up to her armpits and says "Sifu, look! I just got a higher belt!" I might have to use that one.

it's been a while

I haven't written in quite a while. It's strange not having the commitment to blog every week after doing it for 3 years. Now that it's been so long I wonder how I stuck with it.
I have not been training as much as I was lately, working a new job with different hours has changed my schedule a lot. I am working the early evenings so most times I head straight from work to kung fu, or I miss it completely. I have been sitting on the bench watching the blue brown class- something I never used to do, but the issues I have been having with my feet are back with a vengence. I'm on my feet all day again and sometimes it's just too painful to even think of spending an hour on the mats participating in class. I even watched black belt class last week- they were just too sore to stand on, on the bad days it makes my knees ache. As with anyone with an injury knows it's hard to feel limited in what you can do, and as with most of my chronic injuries I really haven't taken care of this one until it's do or die.
On the positive side I am working in a vet clinic and the experience I'm getting is amazing. I've done more hands on in the last month than a whole year of school. There are times that it's a little bit of trial by fire for me, but I'm up to the challenge. Learning side mount at kung fu has done wonders for my large dog restraint!