It's the little things

There are days that I don't even come close to fulfilling my acts of kindness requirement, there are days that have twice the amount I need and there are days that one thing happens that makes it feel like it's all worth it. There have been a few days where I offered help and ended up feeling a little silly when it wasn't needed, but the times that it is makes it worth the embarrassment. There was a lady struggling with an overloaded shopping cart in the parking lot and I automatically asked if she needed help, feeling sure that she would say she was fine. She looked so relieved and said would you mind? It actually made my day. Hey, I made someones life a little easier today and that's pretty cool. I feel like even though sometimes my acts of kindness fall behind on a daily basis that it has changed the way I go about my everyday life. Its so easy to walk around in your own world thinking of this or that and most of us hurry everywhere we go because we're all so busy. It's rare to walk past someone and make eye contact, but I think that it's important for us to put a face to all the strangers that we exist side by side with everyday, it makes it easier to help each other, and there should really be more of that in the world.

Sorry doesn't always make it better

When I chose my UBBT requirements, mending 3 relationships stood out for me. Although I could only think of one relationship that I needed to mend, it was a big one, and I chose this as one of my requirements.

The person who I wanted to mend things with was very close to me, and why we no longer talk is long and way to hard to explain without 3 hours of back story. In short, I tried to mend a relationship between this person and someone else we were mutually close to. As a result this person will no longer have any contact with me. I have always been a “fixer”. Most of the time it has worked out ok for me, but certainly not this time.

I feel a real sense of failure at this point in time because despite all my best attempts, this person does not want this relationship to be mended. I realize that you can’t make someone forgive you, or want to be a part of your life no matter how much you want them to or no matter how much it means to you. This has been the hardest realization of my life. I have had many sleepless nights and have run the gamut of emotions thinking of the situation and what I could or should do differently. I worry that I could have done something different or that I haven’t done the right thing. In the end I have had to look long and hard at myself and admit that it wasn’t all the other persons fault, that I played a part in the end of the relationship, that I did do some of the things I was accused of doing. Although I never did get to talk to this person, I did send a message owning up to my part in the breakdown of things. It hasn’t fixed anything between us, but I find myself more at peace with the situation and I realize that it was more to do with the fact that I was honest with myself about my own behavior instead of trying to justify my own wrongs with the other persons mistakes.

A little bit of this

I have written about 5 different journal entries and deleted all of them. I am really scattered with my thoughts right now, I think I have too many things kicking around in there. March has started off really well with all my UBBT requirements. I started the month off with a day of 1000 pushups and situps which was a great jump start. The sparring has been going great, thanks to my husband who is willing to spar anytime, as well as the jujitsu, which has been tons of fun. I have really plateaued with my kempo form, I know all the moves, they just don't look like they mean anything right now. I am going to consider this a learning tool, even though it is frustrating because I am struggling with it.Training without purpose or focus won't get me anywhere. I am going to break the form down and work on small pieces for now. As always I am so grateful for being a part of the UBBT and the changes it has brought to my life.

Living Hero #2 Rick Hansen

My second living hero is Rick Hansen, another Canadian, who grew up in Williams Lake British Columbia, where I also lived for a few years as a kid. Rick Hansen was paralyzed from the waist down when he was 15 after being thrown from the back of a truck. I can’t imagine how devastating that would be to anyone especially a teenager who loved sports. He started rehabilitation, finished high school and then graduated from the University of British Columbia as the first student with a physical disability to earn his degree in physical education. He went on to play wheelchair basketball and volleyball and also became a world class wheelchair marathoner.

Rick was inspired by his friend Terry Fox who attempted the 8.000 km trek across Canada to raise money for cancer research. He started his Man in Motion tour in March of 1985. He went on a 26 month journey, racking up over 40.000 km in 34 countries. The circumference of the earth is approximately the same distance. Can you imagine traveling around the world in a wheelchair? He raised over $26 million for spinal cord research and quality of life initiatives. I got to meet Rick Hansen at my elementary school during his tour. I will never forget meeting him and being so amazed as a 6 year old that someone could, or more so, would choose to wheelchair across the world for something they believed in.

I will be thinking of Rick Hansen when I have my day in a wheelchair and the amazing things that one person accomplished despite his physical limitations.

The gift of life

The last couple of weeks have been a huge challenge for me. My dad was back in the hospital with bleeding ulcers possibly caused by the medication given to him the last time he was in. I never realized that bleeding ulcers were life threatening. All told he lost 5 units of blood through holes in his stomach. It makes my stomach hurt to think of it. It also has never hit so close to home how important it is to give blood. His life was saved with blood transfusions from donors. I know we've all heard the slogans etc. about how giving blood is the gift of life, but I don't know if a lot of people really realize it is. I am so grateful to anyone out there who has donated blood, or tried to. I think that one of my community projects might come from what has happened with my dad these past few weeks. Well, we got a happy ending, he's doing well, which I am so grateful for. I want to send out a thanks to my kung fu family for being supportive and asking about my dad, and especially Sifu Shipalesky for getting so many positive thoughts going his way.

In the eye of the storm

Last Thursday was the beginning of a crazy roller coaster week for me. I got a call that my dad was in the hospital, they thought he had meningitis or encephalitis. Scary. Luckily it turned out it was pneumonia, but he spent a few days in the hospital on oxygen and antibiotics etc. Over the next few days we realized something weird was going on. My dad has been on medication for anxiety and depression for years and something had triggered a huge downswing for him. For anyone who knows someone who suffers from depression you know this is scary. The worst part is that you can't fix it, well for me it is anyway. Watching someone you love try to get through that is one of the hardest things I've had to do. My first thoughts when I was driving to the hospital when he was originally admitted was "there goes all my requirements for the day" and that was the last I thought of it. After they had stabilized him and I went home, everyone was gone to kung fu. The house was empty and quiet. I went down to the basement and was able to finish all my push ups, sit ups, forms and finally, my meditation. It was a blessing to have something to take my mind away from worrying and analyzing. I had not expected to find a haven in kung fu. I realized that the physical aspects of the UBBT requirements have given me an outlet for the emotions that can build up and overwhelm me at times. Physically exhausting myself gave my mind the ability to find peace in the whirlwind.

oh cruel, cruel pushups

So today has been a really up and down one. I have had problems with my right wrist with what I am pretty sure is carpal tunnel syndrome. I would get numbness from doing repetitive motion etc. It usually doesn't bother me. Of course doing from 100 to 200 pushups every day (somethingI'm not used to) has really exacerbated it. I have started working at a horse boarding facility where I do a lot of barn work that I don't think is helping much either. Last night I woke up 4 or 5 timesbecause my hand was numb. When I woke up this morning I went to check if my hand was blue and purple becauseit was so completly dead numb. I had trouble making breakfast for the kids and signing the homework etc.

This morning in class during warm up we did 30 pushups. Before the first 10 were done my hand was going numb and my wrist started to ache. I had to finish on my knees. argh! We mostly worked on techniques the rest of class so I was doing not to bad. Near the end we all did fitness testing which includes 30 pushups, 30 situps, 30 round housekicks each leg and 30 squat thrusts for my level. Of course my pushups were terrible. I've been doing knuckle pushups which helps but doesn't solve the problem completely. I had to stop every 5 to 7 pushups to shake my hands out to get the blood going. So the point of this really long post about my wrist and hand is that Sifu Laurie gave me some really great ideas to try. I thought I would post them in case there is anyone else having wrist issues. So #1 get the little handles for the floor to hold onto so my wrists are straight. #2 Apparently there are wooden wedges used in yoga for people with wrist issues to decrease the angle that there wrists are bent, on a side note, my husband has a balance board and if you plant your hands on the edge it tilts so your wrists aren't bent as much, which might work well also. She also made me promise to not do more than 125 pushups every day, I've been doing 200 so I can have rest days. I bought a wrist brace that looks really silly, but seemsto work not to bad.

It's really hard to take it easy. I feel a little like my body has betrayed me. I hope that some of the suggestions work out and I will be back to 100% as soon as possible. This has been my first setback and it made me feel grumpy for most of the day. I went to the UBBT website and read a bunch of journal entries, and it made me realize that I'm not alone in the setback department, and of course everyone is still going, which is what I will do. Just so you all know, it means a lot to me to be able to go on the website and read my fellow members journals. It always gives me and emotional boost and renewed purpose.