Boot Camp

So I finally mustered up the courage to go to boot camp this year. Honestly I was always too chicken to go, but I figured I really had no excuse this year as a UBBT student member. What an experience! The day was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. It was such a great group of people. I wasn't feeling very well in the days coming up to boot camp and I wasn't sure how much I would be able to participate. I am surprised how much I could actually do. During the first part of the fitness testing I felt absolutely awful and thought I would sit out of the timed kicks portion, but my partner, Robyn( you totally rock) got me going and I did it, man it felt good. We finished the day with the 2km run, my whole abdomen was so cramped I thought I was going to die, but every time I thought about stopping someone else running in the other direction would yell out encouragement and I just put one foot in front of the other, I ended up finishing with a better time than the week before when we ran in class totally fresh. I think getting through anything starts with putting one foot in front of the other... thinking about the whole run was overwhelming, but just going one more step at a time was something I could do. Turns out all those little steps do add up to something big.

where would I be right now

My dad sent me a picture of the old house I used to live in out in B.C. and it really got me thinking about where I've ended up, as opposed to where I thought I would be. The choices that I've made, and even choices those around me have made have taken me down a very winding path and brought me places I never thought I would go. I think of the choices that brought me to kung fu, again, never thought I'd have any interest in being in martial arts. But here I am at Silent River with a group of amazing people and training partners that all converged after travelling their own paths, with who knows what along the way. We all have our stories about how we got here. There is a song that I was listening to today that has a line in it that goes " where would I be right now if all my dreams had come true? deep down I know somehow I'd have never seen your face, the world would be a different place" Who knows where I would be if all the things I thought I wanted at some point had come to fruition, I'll never know, but I can't imagine being anywhere else, or with anyone else... My life is amazing and I like who I am, I can't ask for anything else.

Black Belt excellence

So it turns out I'm a good employee. Ha ha. No really I am. One of my jobs is doing grunt work at a horse stable. Not most peoples dream job, but I love horses and grew up on ranches so the smell of manure doesn't bother me and the horses don't say much most of the time. I find great satisfaction in feeding and watering animals, of any kind. Providing a living thing with the necessity of life aren't always exciting, but always rewarding. I have always put a lot of stock in doing a good job, whatever the job is. With my acts of kindness requirement, I have being going out of my way to make sure that I can help out wherever it's needed or to do the extra jobs that will save other people time or effort when I have the opportunity. I was going to quit my job at the barn for the summer since I don't have childcare and I don't make enough money for it to be worth getting it. When I talked to my boss about it today she told me that they don't want to lose me and that I can pretty much just come whenever I want. She told me that I always do a really good job, and that it's hard to find people that do. She even offered to watch my kids while I work. She mentioned some of the things that I do around the place that no one else does, and it felt great. She isn't one to give compliments and the like, and honestly I didn't think she noticed. This week my daughter tested for her yellow belt and we printed off the form her teacher has to sign, on it it says:" Our school teaches the principles of black belt excellence. Not only do students become Black Belts in kung fu, but they also strive to become academic Black Belts and eventually, corporate Black Belts or Black Belt employees. At Silent River kung fu, Black Belt is a metaphor for personal excellence." When I read that it made me think about how much I want to be a black belt in every aspect of my life, even when I'm mucking out stalls.

Wake me up when it's over

So June has started out pretty much exactly the opposite of how I envisioned it. I don't like playing catch up on my requirements so I told myself I'd be starting out June with a bang. Turns out it was more like tthhhbbbb..... Whatever I thought I had fixed with my health is back. I went and saw a naturopath doctor this week, she was helpful, but of course we still don't know what the actual problem is, so how to treat it is still a mystery. I am having some tests done this week, I don't know whats worse, finding something or not finding something. I am having a really hard time dealing with the frustration of not being able to do the things I normally do. Not only on the physical side, but I have classically been the one to friends and family that can always help out or do a favor, pretty much anything. My brand new nephew was diagnosed with something called congenital adrenal hyperlasia this week. Long story short, his adrenal glands don't work. My sister in law stayed at the Stollery with him and my brother went in between home and the hospital with their 18 month old. I would usually be the one to jump up and take my niece and bring dinners, whatever. But I couldn't do anything to help. I feel so impotent! There are so many people with serious, chronic health issues that do amazing things and overcome huge obstacles, I wonder how they find the strength to do it. I have missed another week of class, and I will miss some next week too, because of the tests I'm getting done. I REALLY hate missing class. I struggle with negative thoughts and feeling sorry for myself, which I don't like to admit, but it's true. I never know day to day how I am going to feel so my plan is to pack in as much training as I can when I feel good. I feel like this is like empathy training a bit, you just don't appreciate good health until it's gone. There is a lot of great support around me at Silent River and at home, so this week my goal is to dig deep, find my inner strength and stay positive and connected.