Taking it inside

Where is the line between training hard and training smart? I have posted about this before, but it's on my mind again this week. I think I've been my own worst enemy on the road to recovery. It has become very apparent the last few weeks that I've developed bad habits while trying to adapt my training to injuries. I hate to admit it, but it's all been ego. I have given up certain aspects of training- like push ups for example- but slowing down my punches or not hitting the heavy bag full force was not an option, everyone else is doing it and if I'm not then where is the "martial" in my martial arts? It's even harder being in a class where there are students that I don't know because I don't want anyone to think that I'm breakable or something- they have no idea of my history. Holy ego batman! I have never judged a student or a Sifu if I saw them doing a modified version of something or backed away from sparring for example. So why do I feel like I am going to be thought of in a certain way if I'm doing the same? The students of Silent River are an amazing group- I don't think I'm being judged by them, it's all me and my silly ego. I am trying to let go of the idea that I have some kind of image I need to uphold and smarten up. I didn't join kung fu for an image. I need to remind myself now that it's time to work on inner strength and the rest will follow in time. This is going to be a time of inner growth for me- I think it's going to be the toughest challenge yet.