Week 8

It's been a really busy week, lots of working late. It is the busy season for cattle producers so it's the busy season for me too. Even so, it's been a good week for training. I finally made it to class on Friday and was able to get in an hour or so at open training and on Sunday as well. I don't want to get too hopeful, but the weather forecast seems promising.

I have been thinking about guilt lately, specifically after reading some blog postings about how hard it can be as part of the I Ho Chuan team. I think this is my 6th or 7th UBBT/ I Ho Chuan year and I have felt a lot of guilt in past years. Feeling guilty for missing class or meetings. Guilt for not doing my situps or pushups. Guilt for not being more of a leader or for not starting a great initiative within the team, etc. etc. I think I have finally made the connection between guilt and the idea that my kung fu should be serving me. Guilt does not serve me. It makes me feel terrible about myself and want to throw my hands in the air and walk away. It makes me feel resentful towards kung fu and even the goals I myself set because here I am not accomplishing them.

Guilt in this setting is a useless thing. It doesn't accomplish anything. Sometimes life happens and you don't make it to class but that shouldn't be a reason to fall into a downward spiral. We are learning how to apply mastery in our lives, that isn't going to happen overnight. I have struggled with this a lot as someone who can't make a lot of classes or even open training most weeks. I just think it's important to remember why you joined in the first place, how terrible if your I Ho Chuan year made you never want to see the kwoon again because you couldn't stand it anymore. Just don't forget how much you love kung fu, and don't be so hard on yourself!