So.

So it's been a long time. Again. I really don't know what to say, or where to start. I am supposed to be spending time thinking about the direction I am taking, but I find that my thoughts are complicated and jumbled, even in my own head I don't know where to start.

I've never had trouble sticking to my goals before, even if it wasn't for me, I was accountable to the team, and that's all it took to motivate me. I don't know if it is just selfishness or what, but I am having a rough go of this year- as I'm sure all of you already know.

I know being sick for 2 weeks and then getting my strength back threw me off, but that's no excuse: Sifu T. Playter had cancer and that didn't stop her. I am so unsure of where I see myself going, the aimlessness in my head has translated to inactivity. I also struggle with the idea of a black belt and ranking as a black belt, I won't go into details, but I just don't know if it's me or not, I'm certainly not setting a good example anyway.

This past couple of weeks have made me extremely grateful to the people who have reached out or said hi at kung fu, to Sifu Brinker who has humbled me with his offer of time. Of course Sifu Kichko who has been my tireless training partner and cheerleader, she has dragged my butt out of the gutter a million times, couldn't ask for a better friend. The remaining members of the fantastic five- you guys are the best. You guys are the reason I'm still here.

Although I have not been active at kung fu, I continue to train at home, I had such a great run with my dog on Tuesday, we ran through the bush and I swear you can run farther when your on the trails rather than a track or just pounding the pavement. It's one of those magical things about nature.

I am trying to make schedule changes so I can make more classes. I have gone to a couple of fitness classes now and it's been so great, what a good group. I work this Saturday but I'll be wishing I was there.
I guess that's it for now.