Sunday, March 22, 2009

Sorry doesn't always make it better

When I chose my UBBT requirements, mending 3 relationships stood out for me. Although I could only think of one relationship that I needed to mend, it was a big one, and I chose this as one of my requirements.

The person who I wanted to mend things with was very close to me, and why we no longer talk is long and way to hard to explain without 3 hours of back story. In short, I tried to mend a relationship between this person and someone else we were mutually close to. As a result this person will no longer have any contact with me. I have always been a “fixer”. Most of the time it has worked out ok for me, but certainly not this time.

I feel a real sense of failure at this point in time because despite all my best attempts, this person does not want this relationship to be mended. I realize that you can’t make someone forgive you, or want to be a part of your life no matter how much you want them to or no matter how much it means to you. This has been the hardest realization of my life. I have had many sleepless nights and have run the gamut of emotions thinking of the situation and what I could or should do differently. I worry that I could have done something different or that I haven’t done the right thing. In the end I have had to look long and hard at myself and admit that it wasn’t all the other persons fault, that I played a part in the end of the relationship, that I did do some of the things I was accused of doing. Although I never did get to talk to this person, I did send a message owning up to my part in the breakdown of things. It hasn’t fixed anything between us, but I find myself more at peace with the situation and I realize that it was more to do with the fact that I was honest with myself about my own behavior instead of trying to justify my own wrongs with the other persons mistakes.

2 comments:

  1. Ms. Prince it seems to me you have mended the relationship. You have put yourself at peace.If you seen this person on he street you could look her in the eye and know you have forgiven her for the wrongs you did to each other. I don't think you could have done anything else.

    Linda

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with Sifu Shipalesky, you have done what you can. As hard as it is, it's time to move on. Leave the door open should things change, but move on.

    ReplyDelete