So.

So it's been a long time. Again. I really don't know what to say, or where to start. I am supposed to be spending time thinking about the direction I am taking, but I find that my thoughts are complicated and jumbled, even in my own head I don't know where to start.

I've never had trouble sticking to my goals before, even if it wasn't for me, I was accountable to the team, and that's all it took to motivate me. I don't know if it is just selfishness or what, but I am having a rough go of this year- as I'm sure all of you already know.

I know being sick for 2 weeks and then getting my strength back threw me off, but that's no excuse: Sifu T. Playter had cancer and that didn't stop her. I am so unsure of where I see myself going, the aimlessness in my head has translated to inactivity. I also struggle with the idea of a black belt and ranking as a black belt, I won't go into details, but I just don't know if it's me or not, I'm certainly not setting a good example anyway.

This past couple of weeks have made me extremely grateful to the people who have reached out or said hi at kung fu, to Sifu Brinker who has humbled me with his offer of time. Of course Sifu Kichko who has been my tireless training partner and cheerleader, she has dragged my butt out of the gutter a million times, couldn't ask for a better friend. The remaining members of the fantastic five- you guys are the best. You guys are the reason I'm still here.

Although I have not been active at kung fu, I continue to train at home, I had such a great run with my dog on Tuesday, we ran through the bush and I swear you can run farther when your on the trails rather than a track or just pounding the pavement. It's one of those magical things about nature.

I am trying to make schedule changes so I can make more classes. I have gone to a couple of fitness classes now and it's been so great, what a good group. I work this Saturday but I'll be wishing I was there.
I guess that's it for now.

McCartney

Last winter a dog from SCARS came to the clinic, he was transferred from the Loydminster area and had been hit by a car. He had a prodedure done to remove the head of his femur and just a general stitch up and clean up of all his lacerations and road rash. I won't go into all the details, but he stayed in the clinic for months needing a lot of daily care and bandage changes as well as a couple more surgeries. I don't know why, but me and this dog had such a bond, he put up with so much during his recovery- you can't blame a dog for lashing out when it's in pain but this guy actually smiled every time he saw me. He became my shadow at the clinic and followed me everywhere, the staff referred to him as my dog. The SCARS volunteer asked me almost every day "why haven't you adopted him yet? He's yours, you just don't know it" I don't know why- I just couldn't do it even though I adored him. When McCartney left for foster care and found his forever home I was happy/sad. I was not at work the day he came to say goodbye to all the staff and everyone said he ran around looking for me.
Today his owners sent us an update about him and how much they love him, honestly you couldn't dream up a better home for a dog. Maybe they are why I couldn't take him, he was meant for someone else.  This blog has absolutely nothing to do with kung fu or my training, but I wanted to write about him.

It's been a while

Well it's been almost a month since I've blogged. Honestly no real reason why, I have fallen off the wagon I guess. I haven't been doing my requirements, except acts of kindness and my kms. I suppose it started with being frustrated with my spear, it has been incredibly hard on my shoulders and I can't do it anymore. I've been thinking of going back to my cane but that's as far as it's gone.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my training and my place at Silent River. It's been tough. I haven't come to any realizations, just more dead ends. It's hard to make it to any classes so I feel like an outsider when I'm there, it's in no way due to how others treat me, just my own feelings. I guess this ended up sounding like a really negative blog posting, but I'm not sure what else to write about. See you all at the meeting Saturday.

Week 13

Things haven't slowed down this week, and I struggled to get any training in. I am headed to Montreal for a birthday/ anniversary trip with Adrien so I definitely won't have my spear with me!

I am really looking forward to Pandamonium and I know that more than any other year my kids are more engaged and excited about the Pandamonium. It's great to see them interested in  things that matter! Thats all I've got this week, I'm headed to the airport. See you all next week.
Sifu Prince

Week 12

I feel like I say a lot of the same things in my blog every week, so now, trying not to be repetitive, I have nothing to say.
It seems like as it is with many other team members, work is crazy. Yesterday was the first bad day I've had in a year working where I am. There was a lot going on but part of it is that I'm back in isolation with sick calves. There is a line up of farmers with calves, all with the raging poos. I find I am getting angry because I'm anxious about getting sick again. I am taking all the precautions I can but I'm not finding peace of mind with that. I can't convey the sinking/ overwhelming feeling of dealing with so much poo. I know this is a terrible thing to blog about but seriously, I wanted to cry.
I went to my first Tai Chi class on Saturday and I enjoyed it more than I thought. Thanks to Sifu Kichko for helping me out! I will miss this Saturday, I'm seeing my mom for mothers day out of town. Have a good week!

Week 11

I've been getting lot more kung fu in the last few days with the better weather, getting lots of kms too. I am finding that doing double articulation is super hard on the shoulders. I am also finding it hard because I have always had my hand position wrong for double articulation and it wasn't until I was a black belt that I found out. Old habits are hard to break, as you all know, and I find myself easily slipping into bad habits.

I have started a kind of physio routine for my shoulders, they are pretty sore right now but I feel that there are some good changes happening. I am doing an exercise to push my shoulder joint into the back of the capsule using weight, it feels awesome. Anyone who slouches their shoulders forward should try it. See you all this week!

Week 10- whoops

Totally forgot to blog. Totally. Not that I had much to say anyway. I am pretty much just plugging along over here. Had a good Easter weekend with family, ate a lot of food! I am actually enjoying the rain since it's not snow.
At lunch today I was reading a veterinary magazine and there was an article about a vet who had her nose broken by a dog who lunged at her in the exam room. The point of the story was about how not to get hurt by an agressive patient, anyway, one of the points was to learn how to dodge a punch. Really. This vet recommends having some kickboxing or martial arts training to develop your reflexes. In the weird way the world works, after reading this article, a pitbull went after me today in a closed space, I avoided getting hurt and although I can't say what combination of circumstances was responsible for keeping me safe, I will take the odds that knowing how to dodge a punch helped me out.
See you all on the mats