In my head

It's been a strange week. I've been having a hard time getting out of my head about my training. I am having one of those lulls where I have no confidence in anything I do. I have been doing a few different things to try and clear my head this week- mostly taking the bike out. I don't know why being on a motorcycle is close to meditation but it works. Tonight I took a ride out to the kwoon to drop off my assignment and I came close to laying down the bike. Someone wasn't paying attention and made a left in front of me. I truly believe that if I wasn't in the moment and totally focussed someone would be picking me up off the pavement right now. What an adrenaline dump that was.

It was a good reminder to stay in the moment and stay focussed on what I'm doing right now. I am going to work on making my training like meditation for me, something I can do and shut my brain off to the million and one voices and thoughts that are constantly surrounding us.

I'm spending too much time on titles

I don't want to be too optimistic, but the new supplement I've been taking feels a little like a miracle. The pain in my elbows is almost gone and my wrists and shoulders feel great. We did focus pad work last Friday with roundhouse kicks and I was able to hold the pads for my partner with no problems and no pain the next day. I did bag work the following morning in the fitness class with no soreness the next day. I am able to practice my forms without feeling like I'm overextending everything...crossing my fingers this continues!

The in house tournament is this Saturday and I have the opportunity to break boards and make it count towards my black belt grading. I'm nervous about this, probably more than I need to be, but I've been dreaming about it which means I've officially over thought it. I am practicing tomorrow so hopefully it goes well and my wrist doesn't buckle or anything weird.

I will be performing lao gar at the tournament, a form I haven't perfected by any means but I wanted to push myself to get better at it so setting it as my tournament form is ensuring that I put a lot of time into it.

Lots to work on as always, but I can hardly wait for the board breaks to be over!

Recovery

I am in a constant struggle with myself. Patience and progressing wisely and pushing myself and training hard. I am starting to realize that I can still do both but I will admit to a bit of an ego that is holding back my recovery. I enjoy being a woman who can play hard. I like sparring, take downs and grappling. There is a part of me that is proud of the bumps and bruises I've gotten along the way. I didn't mind being the only woman in the San Shou class, even though it meant I got my butt handed to me most days. I always felt like if there was something that a lot of people were worried about doing I should jump in head first; I think in a way I am always trying to prove myself. I don't know if it's because I thought if I didn't I would be perceived as weaker or softer, and for some reason, to me, that was a fate worse than death.

So now I'm paying the price for my stupidity. I have continued to train in a way that has further aggravated my injuries. I'm between a rock and a hard place. It's take it easy or nothing. The first thing to change has to be my attitude. I have to stop seeing things I can't do as a weakness, I have plenty of great examples at the kwoon of people who train hard around injuries or limitations. I need to be creative- learning new ways to get the most out of my training while listening to my body. I will focus on the aspects of my training that I can push myself and make those the best they can be.

I have finally started a supplement regime for my joints and I am crossing my fingers that I will see results. Being forced to slow down has changed my perception of myself and those who train around me also coping with injuries or limitations. I will stop seeing these things as weaknesses, rather as an opportunity to focus and gain strength in other areas. Here's to recovery!

hand shoes

I had a great workout today. I haven't run in over a year, trying to give my feet a rest. I got myself some funky shoes, vibram five finger toe shoes, and I ran in them today. I am very happy with how the run went, my feet didn't hurt and I can see a noticeable difference in my cardio. Running has always been a struggle for me, so it's a good day. Worked on forms with a partner and got a ton of great feedback and things to work on.

I injured my elbow last Friday so, yet again, my arms are resting. Still feels like there are nothing but setbacks with gaining upper body strength. Push ups and pull ups are part of the black belt grading, so I will have to get creative because right now I am at zero for both.

The ice has melted off the lake and although I will need to wear a full wetsuit with water shoes and a neoprene hat, there is a possibility of going windsurfing tomorrow for the first time this season. It's a good day.

busy

Lots of kung fu this week, I have really increased the amount of training I'm doing everyday now that I'm out of school. My body is certainly feeling it! I attended the forms seminar on Saturday and finally learned the rest of lao gar, it's been a long time coming. It was a really positive experience and I was really impressed with the caliber of everyones forms when it came time to perform. I look forward to getting the nuances of the form now that I know all the moves. I am trying out a pre workout supplement recommended by a fellow student and I will continue to read the book about inflammation that I bought and never got to finish. Hopefully I can find some solutions to help me with my shoulders and wrists and regain some ground with all things upper body. I got myself some shoes and I will attempt to run again, hopefully the new shoes will help support my feet as the foot issues I've had have not resolved themselves with rest. All in all it's been a great start to the month.