New Year

2012 is almost here, in the past I have made hollow new year's resolutions but in the last few years I have just resolved to make the new year better than the last, taking whatever steps I needed to make it happen. This "resolution" has served me well. I am finding more and more people my age (in their 30's) are resigning themselves to domesticity, to a boring life that they must endure or worse yet letting go of their own goals so they can give 100% of themselves to be a great mom or dad, something that will backfire in their near future. I read a friends status on facebook on his 31st birthday, it read- "spent a quiet day at home, perfect for a 31st birthday, couldn't imagine a more boring age to be". It was sad actually, I wanted to tell him he's not doing it right. I plan on making every year that I have count, there are so many cliches about regrets, but they are so true. When I go to bed at night I want to be a better person than I was when I woke up. That is my life long resolution.

the Ultimate Black Belt Test

Great title right? When I talk about the Ultimate Black Belt Test or blog about it, I always use the much easier abbreviation of UBBT, and in doing so I think I tend to forget what it really means. Ultimate... wow. When I think about the ultimate anything it's pretty amazing, and so has this process been for me. This has been my third consecutive UBBT and next year I will not be a part of the new UBBT/ I Ho Chaun and it feels kind of weird. It feels a little like I'm in kindergarten and my parents just dropped me off at school. Can I do this on my own?

I started this process as a green belt and Sifu Brinker told me what a great opportunity it was because I was getting a head start on what it was like to be a Sihing. I had never set so many goals that I followed through on as I did that year. I learned a lot about discipline and being accountable. I got so much accomplished that I have stayed a part of the UBBT every year since. I have made a lot of good habits that I will take with me; acts of kindness, daily pushups & situps and taking the stairs or the long way just to get those extra kms everyday just to name a few.

I do believe that the Ultimate Black Belt Test is only "ultimate" if you give it everything. You have to commit yourself to the process and above all be accountable. Your going to have your ups and downs and fall behind where you thought you would excel, but if you know the no quitting requirement is not an option for you you will accomplish great things.

almost there

I know I'm supposed to stay in the moment, but I can't wait for this week to be over! I'm looking forward to being able to spend more time on my kung fu, right now it barely feels like I'm making it to class and practice let along fix anything. Only two more days. Just have to keep breathing.

a little scattered

I didn't blog last week, and this week is almost over too. I wrote a few different blogs and deleted them, they were just too negative. I feel really spread thin right now. I am trying to figure out what the heck I was thinking when I decided to grade this year and take on 10 courses at the same time. Finals are here, 10 written and 4 practical. Chantal's birthday is today and she is having 4 friends sleep over this weekend. Practice Friday night. Dragon dance practice Saturday. Class Monday and Wednesday nights, Christmas concert, 2 or 3 finals per day next week. I need to cook dinner, make lunches, hopefully shower a few times in there, fix my form and techniques for next practice, and actually studying for those finals might be a good idea. People ask me if I'm "ready for Christmas" and I keep going oh ya, that's happening this year too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, this is my life and I enjoy it, but things are a tad crazy right now. I'm going to be as organized and on task as much as humanly possible the next week and a half. I'm going to have to focus on what I am doing at that particular time and shut out everything else... that's going to be a tough one. I find I'm just saying random words in my head during kung fu for my medical terminology test, or while sitting in class I find myself thinking about what the green belts are going to do for the Chinese New Years banquet. "Where am I and what am I doing?" is going to be my mantra this week.

A little inspiration for some perspiration!

I almost forgot to blog this week! Time is just flying by these days. Life is a bit of a three ring circus right now, but whose isn't right? I've written and deleted two different posts now, blogging has been more of a challenge lately because I feel like if I write about what is happening in my life I could just copy and paste my post from last week. Life continues to be hectic and my schedule looks the same... wake up, go to school, go to kung fu, sleep and repeat.

I am struggling to find ways to inspire some of my students, how can I make this matter to them, how do I find a connection that means something to them? If there is no connection for you, there is no passion, no interest. The green belts are working on stick for the Chinese new year demo, and I want to light a fire under them, some of them have it, some don't. Sifu Playter has agreed to come into the class and provide a little inspiration with a demo. I hope that having something to aspire to will do the trick for a few of them, if any of you need a little inspiration as far as your stick practice goes you are welcome to watch the end of the black dragons class on Monday... Sifu Playter's dedication and skill to weapons will make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, which is exactly what I want the green belts to do on Chinese new year. Have a good week everyone!

Good reading

There was a lot of really great blog posts this week, I always read the journal entries before I blog to see where everyone is at and sometimes for inspiration in my own entry. Even so, I don't have much to say this week, I'm struggling to stay on track in a few aspects of my life as there are a lot of things that are all supposed to be my #1 priority. I don't want to complain, it's just hard to put into words and I'm sure everyone has felt this way at some time or another. I do know that I can do this, I just have to keep on truckin', and sometimes just staying the course is the hardest thing. Today I had a nap for the first time in almost a year and it was pretty wonderful so I can't complain. Have a good week everyone.

time

It's a long weekend and it feels like early Christmas. Free time is hard to come by these days. For awhile I was resenting other people's free time and what they did in it, or rather the lack of what they did in it. Fellow students at school would talk about how they watched T.V. instead of studying or went to the bar and I would get so exasperated, thinking you are absolutely squandering all that free time! What I wouldn't give for that time! But I do have free time, I just have less than some, but still more than others and maybe it's in smaller pockets rather than hours at a time. Being very busy has made me appreciate the moments I have more than I used to. If traffic is good and I get home 15 minutes early I can have a tea with Adrien before I leave for kung fu and he leaves for work... 15 minutes didn't used to seem like much but now it's like a little oasis in the desert. Taking an extra 10 minutes to say goodnight to the kids and talk about their concerns at the end of the day allows us to reconnect and feel close, and I feel recharged enough to keep my nose in the books a little longer. Losing most of my leisure time has improved the quality of the time I do have, so no matter how busy we get, because it seems like we're all running all the time, take your 5 minutes and really enjoy it and don't think about what is going to happen after that 5 minutes- take it and get the most out of it because you've earned it.

Lucky

I've been thinking lately about how lucky I am. I would like to say that I think some people's idea of "luck" is a little skewed before I continue. There is a big difference between working hard for something and luck. I've had people say "oh your so lucky" about something that I've worked really hard for and I kind of resent it a little. Luck had nothing to do with us buying a house for example, we had to work hard and save the money, and we continue to work hard to keep it!

Some things are "luck" if you will. I am very lucky to have been born in Canada, especially as a woman. I try to imagine what it would be like to have been born into a society that considered me a second class citizen, a possession even, based on my gender-I can't imagine it. I am lucky to have the opportunity to go back to school so I can have a career I love. Last year I upgraded and I worked hard and got good grades (something else that people consider "luck" when its plain hard work) and I got a small scholarship, nothing crazy, $500. I have been waiting for my cheque in the mail, thinking of all the things I couldn't wait to get with my hard earned cash. I realized I am lucky to have the luxury to spend money on things I don't really need. I started to think about the girls in Malawi who have so little control over what happens in their lives, how unattainable education is for most of them, based on the place they were born and their gender. I realized that $500 would mean a heck of a lot more to one of them than it will to me. Do I really care more about he boots I wanted than changing a life? No, I really don't. So, I will be happily sending my scholarship on to one of the Malawi girls, it just seems right.

That's a big pile of wood you've got there

Today one of the vets that teaches my anatomy and physiology class was talking about the stress that a lot of students experience at this time of year and how it's important to address any problems you may be having. He used the analogy of chopping a huge amount of wood. You have this massive pile of wood you have to chop and the axe your using is dull, someone comes by and suggests that you sharpen your axe to make the job easier and you reply, "I don't have time for that! I'm too busy, I have this huge pile of wood to chop!"

It makes a lot of sense when someone presents it to you like that, but I know how hard it can be to stop and sharpen the axe, even when it seems like your stopping the forward momentum you feel you have. When all we do is forge ahead in a daunting task without regard for how we get there (as long as I just get there!) we'll usually find that we're going to have to go back anyway and clean up the mess we made on the way. As I try to progress with my kung fu, I will try to keep my axe sharp and move forward with purpose and efficiency, rather than blindly hacking my way.

Internal kung fu

This week is all about applying my kung fu to the rest of my life. I have been reminding myself to breath in and out, to focus on what I'm doing, if I've made a mistake it's ok, I'm moving on and focusing on what is in front of me. I actually relaxed so much in between questions during a timed station to station exam I think I fell asleep for a second- granted it was monday morning, but still! Today in clinic I had a uncooperative dog in a wicked side mount... no seriously trying to throw off the guys in san shou prepared me more than I knew for animal restraint. This week has and will continue to be one of the most mentally challenging ones yet, I can hardly wait for midterms to be over! With 10 courses on my plate it's going to take awhile. I can't wait to get out of the books and onto the mats.

insert ominous music here

There is so much going through my head right now I'm having a hard time narrowing anything down to write about. Everything in time is referenced against this Saturday.... before grading and after grading. I feel a little like I'm trying to brace myself to get punched in the face... are you ever ready for that? Ok, all kidding aside I have worked hard this year but it always feels like I could use more time to make everything better. Have a good week everyone, see you on the other side (of Saturday!)

you never know

As a member of Silent River I've come to know a lot of people in our community, and I have caught myself a few times when I was driving or at the grocery store, tempted to act a certain way in retaliation to something- maybe getting cut off for example- and remembering that the driver of that car could be a parent of a student. How embarrassing would it be to flip someone the bird and then meet them in the parking lot 5 minutes later and introduce yourself as their child's instructor? The same thing goes for being just about anywhere- having coffee with a friend and someone overhears a rude comment or bad language maybe. It's made me very aware that people will always be around to hear what you have to say or see what you do. Whether we like it or not we are constantly being judged on what we say and do. You never know if it will come back to you. Today there was an incident at school where someone did something that has bit them in the behind. Most of me can't believe how stupid it was and the other tiny bit feels bad for this person because they'll probably never be able to show their face again, and we've all done our share of stupid things we wish we could take back. It was just a reminder to me to speak and act in a way that I can be proud of no matter who hears or sees me.

almost forgot!

Almost forgot to blog this week! I think it's just an indication to me of how fast time is flying by these days. School is keeping me busy and kung fu is keeping me REALLY busy. I have my days that feel like I'm walking a tightrope and I'm ok, but a slight breeze could send me over the side. Despite the occasional feeling of impending doom, I'm really enjoying myself. School is really really interesting, one of the best choices I've made as an adult was the one to go back to school. Kung fu is pretty great too, again despite that impending doom feeling once in awhile. I stopped taking my recovery supplement to see if there were any permanent changes in inflammation and there hasn't been, my hands are falling asleep at night and the old familiar pain in my elbows is back, so it's right back on the supplement, not a bad thing, just an expensive one. I'm really looking forward to fitness class and dragon dance practice tomorrow, my shoulders are tight from hunching over a desk! Happy training everyone and say sphygmomanometer 10 times fast for your mental work out!

Good week

Not much going on this week, more of the same. I had a really great training weekend, fitness class was really high energy and sunday a few of the sihings got together for our last run through of the fitness test. A huge thanks to the sifus who took hours out of their weekends to be there for us, I know time is valuable so it was much appreciated. Going to class Monday and Wednesday's are making it really hard to do much for homework so I am still trying to learn how to balance those days a little better. It's been a good week over all.

training and studying

This week is back to real life, school and kung fu. The renos look amazing, Sihings Lindstrom and Weibe did a great job spearheading the projects and I know that there was at least on night they were there until after 2 am tiling... that's commitment!

I definitely feel like school is taking away from my training right now, the homework load is pretty heavy, there is an unreal amount of memorization. I do get a good calf workout everyday taking ten flights of stairs in the parkade, I'm trying to decrease the time it takes me every day. This Sunday the Sihings are going to do our last run through of the fitness test before grading so that's a good thing. It's crazy to think about how little time is left until the big day.

So the days are really full again and I'm on a tighter schedule, but I feel good and strong about my kung fu and it will be great stress relief when I take a break from the books.

Have a good week everyone!

Goals

So I started school again this Monday...it was really, really hard to get out of bed. I am finally taking Animal Health, something I've said I was going to do since I was about 10, although I wonder sometimes about how wise it was to take on 10 courses and my black belt grading at the same time. I was thinking back to some of the goals I had set for myself in the past few years and it was pretty cool actually. I had made a list of 43 things I wanted to do during my first go around of the UBBT and the coming years, this was UBBT 6 so a few years ago. I actually did a lot of them. I got my motorcycle license, got good at kempo 2, did at least one pull up, held my horse stance for 5 minutes, and a lot of my personal goals too.

In the last few years I have gotten a lot done and made big changes in my life. I will give all the credit to being a part of the UBBT. I had never set actual goals for myself, always vague things I thought I might do someday. I have learned how to set a goal and follow through and in doing so I have gotten a lot less afraid of failure- I can't say I enjoy it but I have learned that failing isn't the worst thing that can happen. I have really learned to put myself out there and fail over and over and publicly too. It's been good for me.

Looking over my goals of 3 years ago was really good for me, sometimes I feel like I haven't progressed in my training or personal life and it was fun to see how many things I have accomplished and the ways I've changed and taken another path. Happy training everyone.

tweak

We are heading to Jasper in the morning for one last family get away before the summer is over. I'll have a lot to think about on the way and during practice. Sifu T. Playter helped me tweak my front thrust and side heel kicks tonight and I feel such a difference in power and center. Isn't it funny, you practice something so often and a difference of a few degrees in a foot position makes such a dramatic change. School starts for me a week from today, I am excited to finally start the animal health program but I'm worried that my training will suffer. I'm going to have fuller days I guess. There is so little time until grading! Have a good week everyone!

Hi Sam!

This week has been a big week already. I finally broke some boards! I had a really powerful "skidoosh" moment (I just watched Kung Fu Panda 2) when I turned and saw that last board and it broke so perfectly. The entire blue brown class applauded me and my daughter ran over and hugged me...Adrien was there smiling and so was Sifu Brinker. At that point I actually felt a little like Kung Fu Panda myself! I realize I'm really playing this up, but it felt pretty awesome and as most of you know I've been agonizing over the boards for a few months now.

At the UBBT meeting this week I talked about my struggle with the boards to all of my team mates. Sifu Brinker pointed out what a great learning experience this has been for me, yes, including not breaking my boards and then bringing them home to stomp on, and then burn, and instead bouncing off "like a raisin off an Oldsmobile". Those board would have made excellent construction material.

I do need to break again but I feel that my mental block is gone, and it has been quite the learning experience. I feel confident that I can repeat my breaks successfully again. OK, I'm officially done talking about boards!

same old

I've been really wishy washy with what I wanted to write about this week, it feels like I'm always writing about the same things. But kung fu is on my mind 24/7 right now. Every day there is ups and downs and always the anxiety about being ready to grade in October, and whether I will even be eligible to grade if I don't break my boards one day soon. One good thing about NOT breaking boards in front of a whole bunch of people is that it really gets rid of any ego you may have been harboring. I feel like a brand new white belt. It has also been a very good wake up call about my technique- the boards don't allow anything less than perfect, and it's humbling.

Today I got some much needed perspective after reading a blog post. Suddenly all of the things that feel insurmountable seem so small in comparison to the hurdles some people face. There is a lot to be learned from others about how to face adversity with strength and positivity rather than buckling and admitting defeat.

Time flies

August is off to a busy start. In less than a month I'll be back in school and we'll only be about a month from grading. Where did the summer go? Although I have put a lot of work into my kung fu it seems like there is always tons to work on.

This week has been a tough personal week, there has been a lot going on unrelated and also related to kung fu. As always my training mates have been super supportive and inspiring, what would I do without this place?

I've seen a huge difference in my older daughter's attitude towards kung fu lately. Something really clicked for her last week during class when the benefits of having a training partner were discussed. She found a training buddy (my training partners daughter) and also asked me to train with her. She has been practicing at home and taking initiative in class- asking Sifus questions etc. Tonight she got a stripe for the stick basics she's been working on, the timing couldn't have been more perfect to reinforce what some hard work can do. It's awesome to see the fire in her eyes, she's already planning her next goal, and I have another training buddy.

back to work

This week it was really back to work. My training was a little sporadic when I was on holidays and travelling, but this week it's back on track. I have noticed a huge difference in my endurance from this time last year. I remember when I struggled to run the entire 2 km run, what a difference a year has made.

Board breaking is on the brain again. This Friday is another opportunity to break my boards. I almost don't want to talk about it because it makes me nervous, but this time around I'm trying to think about breaking the boards while deep breathing and trying to calm some of the anxiety surrounding it. I am practicing my setup so that I can feel confident and not rush myself. It's amazing how much power our brain has over our bodies. That sounds ridiculous, but I mean it in the way that our brains perceive a threat (or anxiety etc.) and our body is subjected to the adrenaline dump or whatever other response our brains see fit to send out. I am trying to learn how to control that response so that I don't shut down or get a case of the shakes when it's my turn to break on Friday. Wish me luck!

It's all around us

I've been in kung fu for about 4 years now and the longer I'm there the more people I meet from the community. Having the opportunity to be a children's instructor has expanded the web of people I've gotten to know. It seems that more and more these days that every time I'm out running errands or working out or at some kind of school event for the kids I see someone from kung fu- student or parent of a student. The students of Silent River are a kind of "Project Mayhem" group (name that movie)- but in a much less destructive way of course. We're everywhere. We are the co- worker that goes out of their way to help out, we are the people holding the door and picking up garbage, we are the reliable hardworking employee, we are out in the community doing good things and changing the world! I know that sometimes we all struggle with the idea that what we're doing makes a difference in the world or that the kind things we do everyday to make other peoples lives easier, happier or better aren't significant. But they really are, and I see it when I'm out in my community. The values that we all share as students of Silent River Kung Fu have changed people's lives and continue to do so. Not only do the little things we do add up to big things, but they influence others to do the same- in our schools, at work and everywhere in between.

Taking it inside

Where is the line between training hard and training smart? I have posted about this before, but it's on my mind again this week. I think I've been my own worst enemy on the road to recovery. It has become very apparent the last few weeks that I've developed bad habits while trying to adapt my training to injuries. I hate to admit it, but it's all been ego. I have given up certain aspects of training- like push ups for example- but slowing down my punches or not hitting the heavy bag full force was not an option, everyone else is doing it and if I'm not then where is the "martial" in my martial arts? It's even harder being in a class where there are students that I don't know because I don't want anyone to think that I'm breakable or something- they have no idea of my history. Holy ego batman! I have never judged a student or a Sifu if I saw them doing a modified version of something or backed away from sparring for example. So why do I feel like I am going to be thought of in a certain way if I'm doing the same? The students of Silent River are an amazing group- I don't think I'm being judged by them, it's all me and my silly ego. I am trying to let go of the idea that I have some kind of image I need to uphold and smarten up. I didn't join kung fu for an image. I need to remind myself now that it's time to work on inner strength and the rest will follow in time. This is going to be a time of inner growth for me- I think it's going to be the toughest challenge yet.

Training partner

One of the best things I've found to help my training in the last few months is my training partner. I've always been more of a loner, I never played team sports and I have a hard time relying on others. There are many, many times that I have not wanted to work out and have made myself go because my training partner is waiting for me- only to find out she didn't want to work out either and is there for the same reason. Some of my best training days have come out of that situation. She forces me to push my limits- especially with running- and encourages every step of the way. I am thankful to have someone who can kick my butt along the road and I can kick hers when she needs it too. Thanks for kicking my butt Robyn!

Skidoosh!

Like everyone else, boot camp was the big event for me this week. I went in feeling pretty sorry for myself as I did not break my boards as hoped the night before. As always it was a challenging day and I had no choice but to think about the task at hand. Anyone who has attended boot camp knows that high you get at the end of the day after the run and the group is standing together, it's an amazing feeling. Most people never get to experience the kind of camaraderie you feel after going through something like boot camp together- it's really something special. I left feeling much more at peace with myself and with a more positive outlook on the board breaking. My confidence is still pretty shaky but I hope over the month until my next opportunity I can rebuild that and put twice the work in that I did before, I will try to see this as a chance to get better rather than a failure.

This was the third boot camp that I have attended and I felt that it was the most physically challenging one yet, and the most rewarding. I had no choice but to drop my feeling sorry for myself attitude and work my butt off with a great group of people that supported and inspired me all day. Thanks to everyone who was there and the Sifus who took the time to put together such a great experience.

Technique

We always talk about technique being the most important base to our kung fu before speed, accuracy and realism. This week I've had to go back to the basics- technique. I failed to break my boards at the tournament (due to lack of good technique) so this Friday is my opportunity. I have been practicing my breaking sequence over and over focusing on crane stance, chambering my side kick, foot position and connecting my hips into my kicks. I feel better about the techniques every day, I just hope my nerves don't get the best of me on Friday.

My training partner and I got some good advice on how to improve our time for the shuttle run- surprise! it's technique! By changing my technique for the shuttle run I took 20 seconds off my previous time, which is HUGE! It's amazing how many hurdles I have overcome that I never thought I would. I will continue to work on technique and I'm looking forward to the challenge of boot camp this weekend.

Z's

Recording my training this week continues to be a good tool for me. I have decided to narrow my focus as far as practicing techniques and try to get more repetition on one or two techniques rather than trying to cover a bunch. This will help me become more familiar and comfortable with the curriculum. I think this will improve my foot work, which needs a lot of work too.

This weekend some of the Sihings got together and did the run through of the fitness test. We got through it faster this time, but not as fast as we'll need to. At the end of the month we'll do it again at boot camp and we'll be pushed harder and have less rest time. I'm looking forward to the challenge and it's less intimidating than it usually is because we've been doing it once a month.

I've been doing some reading about endurance training and I realized I've totally neglected an important part of my training, getting enough sleep. Getting enough sleep helps prevent injury, promote recovery and allows you to train hard. It sounds silly but this is something I need to work on. This week my focus will be on triangle stepping pattern and practicing techniques for my board breaks.

An unexpected vehicle breakdown is making it more challenging to get to class this week, especially with the kids as the only transportation I will have is the motorcycle. We are going to have "class" at home tonight. Happy training everyone.

More

It's been a week since I started tracking my daily training with a few other members of the UBBT student group. More than anything it's made me realize I need to train more. I find that if I don't have something really specific planned I don't get much done. That is going to be my newest short term goal- to have a specific daily plan for my training rather than just "training".

Today and tomorrow I am taking my first aid and CPR, so although I'd rather be doing something more active it is very productive and it's another step towards grading in October. Some of the Sihings are getting together again this Sunday for a fitness test run through. I am grateful to be part of such a motivated and encouraging group. I will be able to do push ups and timed punches on the heavy bag this time thanks to the Recovery supplement I've been taking. Although I still need to watch how much I do with my upper body it feels so good to even be doing 10 push ups right now. Have a good week everyone!

In my head

It's been a strange week. I've been having a hard time getting out of my head about my training. I am having one of those lulls where I have no confidence in anything I do. I have been doing a few different things to try and clear my head this week- mostly taking the bike out. I don't know why being on a motorcycle is close to meditation but it works. Tonight I took a ride out to the kwoon to drop off my assignment and I came close to laying down the bike. Someone wasn't paying attention and made a left in front of me. I truly believe that if I wasn't in the moment and totally focussed someone would be picking me up off the pavement right now. What an adrenaline dump that was.

It was a good reminder to stay in the moment and stay focussed on what I'm doing right now. I am going to work on making my training like meditation for me, something I can do and shut my brain off to the million and one voices and thoughts that are constantly surrounding us.

I'm spending too much time on titles

I don't want to be too optimistic, but the new supplement I've been taking feels a little like a miracle. The pain in my elbows is almost gone and my wrists and shoulders feel great. We did focus pad work last Friday with roundhouse kicks and I was able to hold the pads for my partner with no problems and no pain the next day. I did bag work the following morning in the fitness class with no soreness the next day. I am able to practice my forms without feeling like I'm overextending everything...crossing my fingers this continues!

The in house tournament is this Saturday and I have the opportunity to break boards and make it count towards my black belt grading. I'm nervous about this, probably more than I need to be, but I've been dreaming about it which means I've officially over thought it. I am practicing tomorrow so hopefully it goes well and my wrist doesn't buckle or anything weird.

I will be performing lao gar at the tournament, a form I haven't perfected by any means but I wanted to push myself to get better at it so setting it as my tournament form is ensuring that I put a lot of time into it.

Lots to work on as always, but I can hardly wait for the board breaks to be over!

Recovery

I am in a constant struggle with myself. Patience and progressing wisely and pushing myself and training hard. I am starting to realize that I can still do both but I will admit to a bit of an ego that is holding back my recovery. I enjoy being a woman who can play hard. I like sparring, take downs and grappling. There is a part of me that is proud of the bumps and bruises I've gotten along the way. I didn't mind being the only woman in the San Shou class, even though it meant I got my butt handed to me most days. I always felt like if there was something that a lot of people were worried about doing I should jump in head first; I think in a way I am always trying to prove myself. I don't know if it's because I thought if I didn't I would be perceived as weaker or softer, and for some reason, to me, that was a fate worse than death.

So now I'm paying the price for my stupidity. I have continued to train in a way that has further aggravated my injuries. I'm between a rock and a hard place. It's take it easy or nothing. The first thing to change has to be my attitude. I have to stop seeing things I can't do as a weakness, I have plenty of great examples at the kwoon of people who train hard around injuries or limitations. I need to be creative- learning new ways to get the most out of my training while listening to my body. I will focus on the aspects of my training that I can push myself and make those the best they can be.

I have finally started a supplement regime for my joints and I am crossing my fingers that I will see results. Being forced to slow down has changed my perception of myself and those who train around me also coping with injuries or limitations. I will stop seeing these things as weaknesses, rather as an opportunity to focus and gain strength in other areas. Here's to recovery!

hand shoes

I had a great workout today. I haven't run in over a year, trying to give my feet a rest. I got myself some funky shoes, vibram five finger toe shoes, and I ran in them today. I am very happy with how the run went, my feet didn't hurt and I can see a noticeable difference in my cardio. Running has always been a struggle for me, so it's a good day. Worked on forms with a partner and got a ton of great feedback and things to work on.

I injured my elbow last Friday so, yet again, my arms are resting. Still feels like there are nothing but setbacks with gaining upper body strength. Push ups and pull ups are part of the black belt grading, so I will have to get creative because right now I am at zero for both.

The ice has melted off the lake and although I will need to wear a full wetsuit with water shoes and a neoprene hat, there is a possibility of going windsurfing tomorrow for the first time this season. It's a good day.

busy

Lots of kung fu this week, I have really increased the amount of training I'm doing everyday now that I'm out of school. My body is certainly feeling it! I attended the forms seminar on Saturday and finally learned the rest of lao gar, it's been a long time coming. It was a really positive experience and I was really impressed with the caliber of everyones forms when it came time to perform. I look forward to getting the nuances of the form now that I know all the moves. I am trying out a pre workout supplement recommended by a fellow student and I will continue to read the book about inflammation that I bought and never got to finish. Hopefully I can find some solutions to help me with my shoulders and wrists and regain some ground with all things upper body. I got myself some shoes and I will attempt to run again, hopefully the new shoes will help support my feet as the foot issues I've had have not resolved themselves with rest. All in all it's been a great start to the month.

woot!

It's time to take a big breath in and out. Finished exams today, it's a relief but so far I'm having trouble not feeling like I should be remembering something. I am looking forward to having the freedom to attend daytime classes at the kwoon again, and when school is out for the kids, night classes as well. My goal right now is to make a new plan for my daily training, which I will be able to spend much more time on. Have a good week everyone.

the sun is here!

I'm late blogging this week, just a lot going on and not much to say about it. Final exams are next week so it's nose to the grindstone all weekend with a short break to see the in laws on Saturday. I feel like a pale, squashy bug you find under a rock right now from all the time spent inside. I can't wait to go out and enjoy the sunshine that is finally here. I'll miss training with my team mates this weekend, but I'll be back full force with all of my attention focused on kung fu next week. Have a good long weekend everyone.

Supersaturated

I've been trying to memorize the speech Mastery by Stewart Emery this month as one of my Sihing requirements for black belt. At this point I only have the first 3 lines memorized, which is not where I'd like to be with this, I'm finding I lose information when I put more in. In chemistry when a solution can't dissolve anymore solute then it's saturated, you can heat a solution to make it dissolve more solute, then it's supersaturated. This is the state of my brain right now, supersaturated! Although this is a challenge, I am finding it motivational, it's a really great speech and it's made me remember that the effort I put in right now will have equal results. You can't expect excellence from mediocrity.

Best Laid Plans

Here's a valuable lesson I've learned over the past two weeks: do it now (whatever it is that needs to be done) because you have no idea what's going to get in your way even 5 minutes from now. Of course, I've learned this lesson the hard way, in case you were wondering. While it is a good idea to plan to do certain things regularly putting them off until that mythical "later" is a bad idea... "later" never comes...it's like the end of the rainbow. All that free time I keep wishing for is a pipe dream.

Finals are a few weeks away and the date to grading looms closer and closer. Right now I just have to keep telling myself that all it takes now is discipline. I've worked hard to get where I am, I just have to keep it up at this point.

Have a good week everyone, keep it up!

Crunch!

This week is crazy busy. I really need to stay focused right now in order to get everything done. I need to resist the temptation to close the books and relax. I need to focus on prioritizing. I need to use my time wisely, get push ups and sit ups and forms reps in during breaks. I need to remember to take some deep breaths and center myself. I need to remember that getting sleep is important. I need to remind myself that this hectic pace will not continue forever. I need to realize the road to mastery is a harder journey than the path to mediocrity. This is my mantra this week.

Wishing for spring

It's kind of the same old same old this week. Open training and fitness class on Saturdays has become something I really look forward too. The fitness class has been a great stress reliever...it's good to get really sweaty and disgusting sometimes. Open training has been an opportunity to work through the curriculum with the other Sihings. I feel lucky to be part of such a good group going for black belt this year, everyone is really supportive and most of us are part of the UBBT group as well which adds to the camaraderie.

This week in practice I realized that I'd been doing a move wrong in 2 different forms- one in the opening bow-ouch! and the same for a few techniques, just small things I've slowly changed over time that have officially gone awry at this point. This just proves to me that practice is always important- even when I think I know something in and out there is always room for improvement. That being said, I'm going to get some reps and practice in. My goal this week is to concentrate hard enough that all the snow melts!

bits

It's been an all or nothing week in regards to training. Saturday was an awesome training day with the other Sihings going over curriculum and sorting out techniques, learned a few more moves of lau gar and learned about a muscle I didn't know I had. The rest of the week has been mediocre, the one night I got to more than 10 minutes in was great, but it doesn't feel like enough. There are 5 weeks of school left and I can feel the pressure. The hours of homework are whats keeping me from kung fu. I know this is a terrible cliche, but I feel like a jack of all trades, master of none.

There are valuable lessons to be learned from being spread thin though. I enjoy my free time immensely, having time to clean the house feels like a treat. I have become a much more organized person, I have learned to prioritize, which has always been a problem for me. I still need to learn how to stay in the moment and keep my focus narrowed to what I'm working on instead of thinking about what I'm not working on. I guess it's a work in progress. So for now training is a 10 minutes at a time style, but I can't wait for Saturday!

one step forward...

Not much to say this week, I just caught up on most of my numbers just in time to be laid flat by a virus. I guess when I kick this I'll be playing catch up again. The UBBT group from Silent River is journalling our food for a month. I like this challenge not only because it keeps us mindful of what we're eating, but it also brings the team closer together. I feel like this group is really engaged, and it's great to be a part of it. See you all next week.

I'm getting buried out here.

I think winter is here forever, just get used to the inevitable everyone! Although the unwanted snow keeps coming, it does give me an opportunity to do acts of kindness for the seniors in Stony Plain. The two driveways our our group keeps up belong to some really sweet seniors. Sometimes when your out there shoveling and it's snowing and blowing up the back of your jacket it's hard to feel warm and fuzzy about doing good, but when a senior citizen opens the door and hands you some home made treats and says thank you so much, it puts a face to who your helping, and I realize all over again why we do this every year.

This week I feel like I fully realized the vast scope of what I need to be working on in order to be ready to test for black belt in October. Sometimes I think other people have more faith in me than they should. I don't know if I will be ready. There are days that I drive home and I think of all the homework in my backpack and the grade point average I want to maintain, the dinner to make, the kung fu class to teach, the kids to put to bed, my dwindling numbers on physout and all the training I should be doing every night and all the time I want to spend hiding my head under a pillow and it seems insurmountable. I know that all the others who are part of the UBBT or Sihings preparing for black belt are in the same boat, but I guess I felt sorry for myself this week. I suppose I just pull up my socks and keep on keeping on. The snow will have to melt sooner or later, and thats probably all thats got me feeling like I need a vacation right now.

Showing up

It's reading week, which means I have no school for a week, yahoo! My biggest goal is to catch up on my requirements that I fell behind on while studying for my midterms. Today I did a whole bunch of nothing, it was pretty great. My workout kept getting postponed throughout the day for other, less important, but easier things. Why is it so hard to get going? Once I got down to the basement and turned on some music, I had a great workout and an hour flew by. I think the key to success in my training is going to be showing up. You can't help but get better when you show up. Just making yourself drop for pushups isn't that hard after you've made yourself get down there. How many times have I been dead tired and didn't want to go to class but I went and had the best class I've had in weeks, or had a light bulb turn on in my head about something. It's not hard to workout for an hour or practice techniques for an hour, it's getting there that's the hard part, and really thats the easiest part when you think about it.

fuel

I have been doing a detox since last thursday, not the kind where you don't eat or you take a supplement, just a super clean eating kind of detox. I have given up coffee, it was really hard, especially during exams right now but it's done. I have noticed that I don't have the up and down tired times of day that I am used to. I have been feeling not so great the last few weeks so I wanted to give myself a jump start. Its funny how long it takes for it to occur to me that I don't feel well because of what I'm putting into my body. We're fueling a machine after all, and if you feed it junk then it's going to perform like junk. Every cell in our body is constantly working to do the job it's meant to perform and we persist in making it as hard for them as possible, it sounds crazy but we still do it, especially me. I will be working harder to make better choices for myself so I can train at my maximum potential

Feb. 8th

The week is off to a slow start training wise, I haven't felt very well for the last week so I'm just keeping up right now. I had a great time at the Chinese New Years banquet, although I don't see a lot of it being in the basement getting the kids ready to go on stage, and myself as well. My little group of black dragons did well, I was really proud of them.

It was nice to talk with some of my training mates in a more informal setting, there is a really great group of Sihings and I'm excited that we're all going for black belt together. Not too much else, see you all next week.

This week

It's been a pretty good week, I've been able to make it to open training and the fitness class on Saturdays. Thanks to some fellow Sihings I've learned more of Lou Gar this week too. My shoulder/elbow/wrist tendinitis finally seems to be getting better, I just have to be careful not to push my shoulders too much, which means my reps are a little low in that area, but I think I'll be able to catch up soon. I've had a setback with my feet, did some 360 jumps in a form I was practicing and I guess my feet weren't ready for it. The "trigger finger" condition I had in my hands is completely gone now, I'm really happy with that. I was supposed to start a supplement regime by January 15th, but that goal has been pushed back while I continue some reading. I got an interesting book called Stop Pain, it's about chronic pain and inflammation, so I'm hoping by the time I'm done it I'll have a better idea of where I should go regarding joint and muscle repair. The Chinese New Year banquet is this Saturday and I am last minute involved with the sparring demo. I am excited to be a part of it, but nervous because I really haven't sparred much in the last few months... gotta get on top of that sparring requirement! That's it for this week! Train hard everybody.

right here, right now

Today I went to a memorial service for a friend. It was a really great experience, it was supposed to be a celebration of his life and it was. Many friends stood up to talk and share stories about him. Something that almost everyone said was how Dennis was always living in the moment. We talk a lot about living in the moment, being mindful of everything we do. It really got me thinking about not just applying living in the moment to my training, but to the things in my life I feel like I have to endure. The commute to and from school for example. The roads have been terrible the past few weeks and it was taking me over an hour each way, every day. We've all been stuck in traffic and know how excruciating it can be. I have been trying to think of it in other ways. Really, I have been forced into sitting and listening to music or whatever I choose to think about for 2+ hours a day. Thats actually kind of cool. I always feel like I am rushing from place to place during the week and here I have 10 hours a week to chill out and gather my thoughts. I've seen so many people in accidents the past few weeks, I can think about how grateful I am to still be ON the road and safe. Something that was said today that hit home for me was that happiness is right here, right now. It's not waiting for you in some distant place in the future. So I will strive to find happiness and gratitude right here, right now, wherever that may be.

Do you really think you could take me?

I'm sure that everyone that trains in any kind of martial art has encountered a wise guy or girl that says something along the general lines of "ooo your in kung fu... do you think you can take me?" or " well, don't make her mad, she'll kick your butt". If you've never met someone like this, you will, it's inevitable. I don't know how many times big guys ask me if I seriously think I'd be able to defend myself against them. I sometimes wish that I didn't know better and I could take the guy out. Most people don't realize that martial arts aren't just about fighting, or that they should be about more than that. How does the saying go? With great power comes great responsibility. Part of becoming a martial artist is having control over the urge to take down the goofball who's mocking you with fake karate chops in the air while making Bruce Lee inspired sounds. While it would be super impressive to take someone out, it's not about proving you can beat up every guy that challenges you along the way. I would rather change the way people see martial arts by being humble and kind and striving to be the kind of person I would look up to. That being said, this is still pretty funny.

carpe diem

My family lost a friend today, a great man, full of life. He was married to my Aunt Jan, who I've blogged about before and what an inspiration she is to me. Greg Garcia posted about losing a friend as well, and how you shouldn't wait for a doctor to tell you your times up to do the things you want to, or have put off. The UBBT has given me the tools to turn my life in that direction. When I joined UBBT 6 it was the first time I ever set concrete goals for myself and followed through with them. The last 2 years of my life have seen more personal growth and progress than the rest of my adult years combined. When you really take the no quitting requirement to heart and you DON'T QUIT you can accomplish great things. I feel privileged to be part of a group of people who are all seizing the day and making the most of the time they have.
Goodbye Dennis, you will be missed.

my goals for UBBT 8

So here's my plan for UBBT 8:
50 000 sit ups
25 000 rows, 25 000 shoulder presses or flys this is in lieu of push ups which I am unable to do at this point in time due to injury
1000 reps forms
500 reps kempo
1000 acts of kindness
finish learning lao gar
52 sessions acupuncture or massage to maintain and repair old injuries
500 rounds of sparring, grappling or bag work
public board breaking at annual tournament
52 sessions partner based technique practice and application
52 sessions solo technique work
52 sessions cardio work geared to the black belt grading
1 month no movies or T.V.
52 sketches or other artwork
research and begin a supplement regime by Jan. 15th focusing on joint health and muscle repair
52 outings or "dates" alone with each of my daughters, Our quality time has been cut drastically since I've gone back to school.

I have some general goals as well. I'd like to maintain my average at school, eat less junk food and more vegetarian meals. I also plan to join the fitness class at Silent River and be a presence at open training as much as possible. Seeing everyones goals is really inspiring. I look forward to sharing everyones progress.